Forgive Me
by TortoiseNHare64
Summary: Full of self-hatred for his past mistakes and left lost, alone, and broken after the Accords incident, Tony Stark realizes he can no longer continue to endanger those closest to him because of his own selfish stubbornness so he decides to fake his own death. Can be read as Stony or bros/family. Happy ending. Takes place during Spider-Man:Homecoming. Really good!


**Author's Note: So this is my first fic that is centered around Tony Stark. It can be read as Stony or just bros. I worked really hard on it and am super proud of it and I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you thought. Warning is for language only.**

The situation with the Accords had taken the fight completely out of Tony Stark. The years hadn't been kind to him since becoming Iron Man – he had made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that had threatened the lives of everyone around him repeatedly. Rhodey's injury, Happy being hospitalized, Pepper briefly becoming radioactive and being pushed away from him, the division of the team, getting kids mixed up in alien battles, innocent deaths – he blamed himself for all of it. Because it was his fault. This whole mess had started because he had been too proud and naïve to realize the danger of producing and selling weapons to terrorists. If he hadn't, then he never would have endangered Pepper or Happy, Jarvis would still be his trusted AI, Wanda's parents and brother might still be alive…

The fight to build robotic killing machines wouldn't have started with him.

Sure, he told himself that he was doing right whenever he donated money for kids to go to college and learn science, or when he trained the kid on how to use his spider abilities for good, or when he congratulated Pepper on her engagement and wished her the best even though it broke him.

But the anxiety, the self-deprecation, the PTSD, the insomnia, and the general fear of the unknown continuously plagued at him. When he did sleep his dreams were full of the pained or dying faces of his friends and loved ones. When he wandered his tower at night he could hear Wanda calling out for her brother in her sleep. He saw all of it as either indirectly or directly his fault. He had failed those around him. Pepper was engaged and would soon be starting that family she always wanted - Tony was happy for her, really, and loved her too much to hold her back, but the pain of knowing that he wasn't the one who could ever give her what she wanted was tough to bare. Steve Rogers had left him - but that was a completely different can of worms. A very complicated can of worms that put both of them at fault.

It was during the months following Steve's disappearance to Wakanda that a plan started forming in Tony Stark's head.

Maybe he needed to go off grid.

There was no realistic way for Tony to break away from S.H.I.E.L.D., the Avengers, Stark Industries, or the unknown threats to his world without the world believing he was dead. Nobody would reach out to him for help or weapons or his brains if they all thought he was dead. Nobody would target his friends or loved ones because of his past mistakes if they thought he was dead.

He shoved the idea to the back of his mind the minute he thought it. It was ridiculous.

But maybe if he could have a lab somewhere isolated, somewhere warm…

After all, the other Avengers all had their getaway spots away from the madness. Bruce disappeared off the grid entirely after the whole Ultron ordeal. Clint had his farm, Natasha could vanish whenever she wanted to wherever she wanted, Steve might as well have eloped with his new (or old, really) lover to Wakanda, Thor had his own fucking _planet_...

Tony Stark was the only one who had been vain enough to make it all about him by building a tower with his name in lights on it.

As time went on, Tony subconsciously began weighing the pros and cons of what faking his death might lead to. His loved ones wouldn't be targeted for his misdeeds anymore – especially if his enemies thought he died a brutal and painful death. Pepper wouldn't have to carry any guilt or embarrassment about being engaged to Happy. She could move on with her life and have that family she always wanted. The kid would be broken up about it, but it would just make him stronger and keep his eye on Tony's personal goal for him – which was to be better than Tony ever was. He could leave the company's business end to Pepper and have the kid be head of inventing. Maybe have Harley work with him. Rhodey…

Tony's throat closed up a bit at the thought.

He'd leave him all of his suits. Give him free reign to modify all of them to fit War Machine's needs or donate them to a museum or whatever Rhodey wanted to do with them. He had once destroyed them on Pepper's behalf but inventing was in his blood. He'd cover all of the man's medical expenses for life and ensure that Rhodey could still fly the suits even without full use of his legs.

The Avengers could continue to use the tower as a home base in New York. He'd leave all of the access codes to Natasha, trusting that she'd ensure the building didn't sink.

As he flitted through his kitchen, mind lost in thoughts about his new master plan, his eyes landed on the cell phone Steve had left him.

He had never called him back.

Though it had been a few months, the wounds still felt fresh. It wasn't even the fact that Bucky had killed his mother that bothered him as much – it was that everything had gone so wrong so quickly. Though Steve's voicemail, which Tony still couldn't bring himself to delete but had instead saved, had offered the notion of one day reconciling, Tony's stubbornness and broken heart wouldn't let him. He had let Steve in, had _trusted_ him and thought Steve could trust him in return, and had been completely betrayed by him and hung him out to dry.

The longer time went on though, the more Tony realized he missed having Steve around. And that led to him rethinking and over-analyzing the whole situation with the Accords until Tony finally realized a very important thing: he had viewed Steve's rescue attempts of Bucky Barnes as a personal slight against him. He had seen Steve's rejection of the offer to sign the Accords as a personal insult when it had never been about him - it was about Bucky and keeping him away from people that would use him as a killing zombie again.

But no matter how much Tony realized he had been equally at fault as Steve, he couldn't bring himself to call the man back.

And Steve didn't try calling him again.

 **XXXXXX**

One night Tony found himself paying off the security guard of the Captain America exhibit at the museum to let him look around during closed hours.

Of course Tony had grown up listening to stories about the man's unselfish bravery – his need to do right vanquishing all other emotions. It had been Howard's obsessive search for his lost friend that had led him down the path of abusive fatherhood. But wandering through the exhibit now, knowing that Steve had turned his back on the uniform in order to protect one friend…

Tony couldn't blame him. Had their situations been reversed, he probably would have done the same for Rhodey. But Tony would have told Steve about Rhodey killing his parents if the situation was to be totally switched.

At least, he thought he would.

Tony had been to the exhibit before. He had the floor plan saved in his memory and wasn't even surprised when his feet carried him to look at one photograph resting in the middle of a wall. It was a framed picture of Steve shaking hands with a beaming, and very young, Howard Stark.

Tony had seen the picture countless times – even had a copy of it in his database in his lab to view whenever he felt especially self-deprecating. But today, as his eyes took in the carefree smiles and warm eyes of the two men in the photograph, he was filled with a different emotion than the bitterness he previously felt. To the right of the photograph was one of Steve with the Howling Commandos, Bucky, and one Margaret "Peggy" Carter. Tony knew the story there – Steve had gone into the ice before they could have hooked up. He had missed out on his chance for love with her. Maybe that was why Steve had been so willing to throw literally everything away to rescue and be with Bucky. He didn't want to miss his chance again.

Tony's eyes roamed over Peggy's face. He remembered hearing in the news that she had passed away after a difficult battle with Alzheimer's. She had had a hero's funeral. Tony briefly wondered what his own funeral would be like. Oh, there would be plenty of critics saying he had it coming and he deserved his end and the like. He couldn't really argue with them. Pepper would probably give the eulogy because of course she would. Rhodey would struggle carrying his portion of the coffin up the aisle but he'd be damned if he wasn't going to do this for his best friend.

Standing there alone in the exhibit, Tony let a few silent tears fall. He had made too many mistakes. He needed to do this.

Making up his mind, Tony turned his back on the exhibit and left to decide his plan of action.

 **XXXXXX**

The opportunity came during a battle with Vulture. Peter's web and fast maneuvering weren't enough to fight back against the man's missiles and blades. Tony Stark saw his chance and dove in to be the boy's shield. Tony fired a blast from his Iron Man suit just as one of the blades pierced through his armor, hitting the blood pack secured to his chest. The blade hadn't gone deep enough through the suit to truly be lethal, but that didn't matter. Tony just had to convince Peter. He let the force of Vulture's attack knock him out of the air. He heard Peter scream his name and felt a web catch him and gently lower him to the ground. He watched Peter's friends and the police capture the stunned Vulture as Peter knelt down by his side.

"Tony, are you okay? Tony, please stay with me."

The tears that came to Tony's eyes as he took in Peter's worried face were real. He continuously reminded himself that he _had_ to do this. He _had_ to break the boy's heart. It was the only way to ensure his safety.

Tony pushed everyone away for their safety. Peter Parker was no exception just because Tony saw him as a son.

"Kid, I…I want…I want to tell you I'm proud of you." The words caught in his throat as he realized he would have given anything in his youth to have heard those words from Howard before he died. He wasn't going to be the father Howard had been to him. He would leave Peter this. This and his safety. "I'm so proud of you."

"Tony, Tony no, please, don't talk like that," Peter sobbed as he gently cradled Tony's head in his hands. The blood from the blood pack had started seeping through the hole in the suit. "Please, you can't go. I don't know what to do without you."

"Live," Tony whispered, making his voice grow raspy as he looked up into Peter's eyes. "Live and be better than me. I know it's a tall order but if anyone can make my wrongdoings right, it's you."

Tony stealthily activated a button in his suit that injected a drug into his bloodstream that would slow down his heart rate to a nearly nonexistent pulse. The drug worked quickly and he felt his consciousness start to ebb.

"Tony, no, please, I can't lose you too."

The kid was broken. He was sobbing and his voice wavered and Tony's heart collapsed into a million fucking pieces.

"Kid…there's something I need you to do for me. To help make things right."

Peter blinked through his tears as Tony opened up a compartment in his suit and four envelopes popped out.

"I need you to make sure these get to their owners. Okay?"

Peter's hands were shaking as he reached down and pulled out the envelopes. Turning his eyes back to Tony, he shook his head harshly.

"No, this can't be goodbye. Tony, I –"

Tony couldn't help it. He reached up a bloodied hand and cupped the boy's face, knowing this would be the last time he could directly see him.

"I'm so proud of you, Peter. Never stop being you."

"Tony, no, please, _please_."

The drug took hold of him and his hand fell limp at his side.

The last thing Tony Stark heard before he fell into sleep was the completely wrecked scream of Peter Parker and the sound of an ambulance.

 **XXXXXX**

Like clockwork, the ambulance had taken him to the best hospital in New York where only the most trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. doctor, a Dr. Helen Cho, would be responsible for saving Tony Stark's life. Nick Fury himself hovered outside of the hospital room watching through the glass windows as she worked.

Of course, Tony had visited her a few days prior and informed her of his plan to fake his death. He had first been hesitant to approach her considering Ultron, his own invention, had nearly killed her and her loyalties to S.H.I.E.L.D. were unsurpassed. However, Tony needed a medical expert to do this for him and since Banner was M.I.A. and that Strange guy was always warping through the multiverses…Dr. Cho was his only option. He had expected her to say no or go on some lecture about how his life was worth more or something, but instead she surprised him by agreeing instantly.

 _"You'll be betraying S.H.I.E.L.D. if you do this for me. You'll be lying to them and Fury will probably rip away your medical license and everything you have."_

 _"What makes you think you're the first person I've helped disappear?"_

 _"Fury will find out."_

 _"I could write a book on the list of things Fury thinks he knows but actually has no clue about."_

Her honesty had surprised him and caught him off guard. Tony had re-examined the petite Asian doctor with a new set of eyes after that and realized that if there was one person on this planet he _didn't_ want to get on the bad side of, it was Dr. Cho.

So there they were. She had placed small mechanisms invisible to even the most scrutinous of eyes under the pads that connected his body to the heart monitor so that a fake pulse was emitted. When his heart rate "flat-lined" Dr. Cho took out the paddles and gave Tony a few "shocks" to his system. His body _was_ electrocuted but not in a way that would have actually caused him any damage. Just enough of a shock to make his body twitch violently. He was unconscious during all of this and didn't hear the heavy conversation Dr. Cho had with Fury after she was unable to save him. Had Tony been awake, he would have marveled at the woman's ability to look the director in the eye and lie _perfectly_.

After that, things progressed relatively quickly. Pepper was the first person called – having had to fly from a conference in California to New York and thereby delaying her earlier arrival to see Tony "die" – and was, understandably, a complete wreck when she walked in the room. She wasn't alone for long though. When Tony had started "dying" in Peter's arms, Coulson had arrived with the ambulance. The agent had forcefully held Peter back as Tony was taken away to be operated on. Tony knew that Coulson held the boy back under the guise of needing him for questioning about the incident, but it was really because Coulson was a big softie and couldn't let Peter's last memory of Tony be the hero flat-lining. Coulson probably figured it was bad enough that Tony had gotten hit saving Peter – there was no reason to add to the boy's emotionally messed up state.

Peter's movements into the room were sluggish, as if he were wading through water. His tear-stained eyes met Pepper's red ones and the reality of the situation hit them both. Pulling him into her arms, Pepper's tears soaked his hair as his body heaved. Rhodey was next – nearly breaking the door down in his haste. He still hadn't fully recovered the use of his legs and his movements, like Peter's were slow as his eyes raked over the seemingly lifeless body of Tony Stark. Pepper whispered his name but Rhodey's body stood equally as still as Tony's on the medical table.

"I'm so sorry," Peter cried out as he buried his face in his hands. "He died saving me! It's all my fault, it's all my –" His words broke off as a set of strong arms pulled him away from Pepper and against a dark chest.

"No, kid, it's not your fault. You have to believe me on that, okay? This…you're not to blame."

Peter heard Rhodey's words but he couldn't believe them. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to.

Pepper gently reached out and carded her fingers through Tony's hair once before pulling back shakily.

"I –" Her voice came out a croak so she cleared her throat and took a breath to try again, "I need to make arrangements. There are things that need to happen, I need…"

Rhodey, who refused to let go of Peter, reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Pep, stop being CEO for a second and _grieve_. You're allowed to."

She met his eyes but couldn't say anything. Soon Dr. Cho came in and told them that she was going to prepare the body for funeral arrangements. Pepper leaned down and gently kissed Tony on the forehead. There was so much she wanted to say but she couldn't bring herself to whisper the words to his lifeless body. It was too late. Turning away with another sob, Pepper gave room for Rhodey to step up.

"You're a hero, Tony. You always were one and you will always be remembered as one. You…you meant the world to so many of us. You…" Rhodey trailed off, unable to finish. Giving a dismissive wave of his hand, Rhodey gestured for Peter to take his turn.

"I'm so sorry," Peter whispered, leaning down and brushing his forehead against Tony's. "I couldn't be strong enough to fight Vulture alone. But I will be strong enough from here on. I'm going to listen to your advice. I'll…I'll always make you proud."

Peter, Rhodey, and Pepper made their way to a closed-off waiting room that was thankfully free of any prying eyes. They sat huddled together, holding hands or each other until Peter sniffed and pulled away slightly to show them the envelopes.

"He – he had these on him when he…I think he knew he might not make it. I didn't…Fury and Coulson don't know about these. I hid them when I was held back. Maybe he always carried them in his suit in case…?" Peter's voice trailed off as he gave another shaky dry-heave, his thoughts too dark to be spoken aloud.

Pepper's hands were wobbly as she took two of the envelopes. One was addressed to her and the other read _Last Will And Testament of Anthony Howard Stark_. Rhodey took the one addressed to him. Silently, the two opened their letters and read through them.

A small gasp from Pepper caused Rhodey to look up from reading his letter. "Pepper?"

"He…he's left money for college for when Happy and I have kids," Pepper explained slowly. "He knew I always wanted kids but he was never ready…I needed him to leave this hero life and settle down and he couldn't do it. It was one of the main reasons why we broke up. He…" her voice trailed off as she stood up shakily. "I – I need to go."

Rhodey half-rose to stop her but decided that Happy would be a better source of comfort as she hurried off. Sitting back down, he finished reading his own letter and waved it through the air in front of Peter with an annoyed sigh. "He's left me all his shit. Can you believe that? Left me designs for suits and his cars and all kinds of shit – like anything material could fill the loss of him in my life. Asshole." He gave a sigh and slumped further back in the chair. "I always thought I'd go first. Even when he went missing and was in Afghanistan, I still thought, 'If anyone can find a way out of that mess, it's him. He'll be fine.' I just can't believe he's gone."

Peter bit his lip and reached out, gingerly placing a hand on Rhodey's knee. "I'm really sorry, sir."

"Hey, none of that, okay? I meant it before – this wasn't your fault."

Peter nodded but couldn't meet the man's eyes.

 **XXXXXX**

The funeral went according to Tony's will, which specifically asked for an open-casket so that the world could see he was really dead. It was televised live and across the world. Nobody was allowed to touch the body (mostly for fear that someone might feel the very slow pulse of the man's heartbeat). The six men who carried the coffin up the aisle were Clint, Rhodey, Peter, Harley, Coulson, and Vision (though he could have carried the entire thing by himself). Nobody could get a hold of Bruce or Thor to tell them the news. The church was packed and featured many familiar faces, including Natasha, Wanda, Dr. Cho, Maria Hill, Sam Wilson, and Aunt May. Pepper's eulogy was emotional and spoke of Tony's accomplishments as both the hero and the man behind the mask. Clint's eulogy was comedic and focused on Tony's charming personality, bringing many chuckles from the spectators. Rhodey's was somber but described the valued friendship he had gained from Tony Stark and described him as someone worthy of a soldier's salute.

Once the coffin had been placed in the hearse and people had begun leaving the church, Peter hung back and waited for the crowds to leave. He caught Natasha's eye across the church and nodded his head slightly. Cocking an eyebrow, she made her way over to him as the final folks left in the church dispersed.

"I understand you were in battle with him at your side when he got hit," she began, lowering herself slightly to be at his height level. "I'm sure you've heard this already from so many people, but you really cannot blame yourself, Peter."

He nodded and breathed in a shaky breath. "I know, but I do."

She nodded in understanding. And it was true – of all people, Black Widow was the one who could _really_ understand.

Peter took another breath and looked around again, making sure they were alone before he turned back to her. "There's someone I have to see and you're the only one who can make it happen."

She raised her eyebrow again in wonder and Peter slowly revealed the corner of the envelope tucked away in the pocket of his suit. "I have something that needs to be delivered."

"What's to stop me from just handing it over to Fury?"

"You wouldn't do that." Nat gave him a skeptical look and Peter leaned in closer to her to whisper, "You wouldn't do that because you want to do the right thing. This _needs_ to be delivered by me to the right person."

She was silent for a minute as she considered him. "Why are heroes always forced to grow up before their time?"

"Please, Ms. Widow. I need to do this."

Holding back a small smirk at the cute, official name, she nodded her consent. How could she say no to this puppy of a kid?

"I'll get you a jet."

 **XXXXXX**

Tony's body was cremated. Or at least another body taken from the morgue and switched out with his in the hearse by Dr. Cho after the funeral was cremated. That way none of his enemies, or any gravediggers, would try to dig up and sell his body. Dr. Cho gave Tony the required stimulants to get his heart rate back up to normal and after making sure he was going to be fine, allowed his AI unit Friday to pilot the hearse away from the crematoria and to a private airport. Watching the New York skyline ebb away was emotional for Tony and he kept his face pressed to the darkened window of the vehicle long after the city lights disappeared.

He couldn't bring himself to replay the video of his own funeral and listen to the eulogies given by some of his closest loved ones.

The small plane was piloted by Friday and took Tony to one of the 155 islands that made up the archipelago of Seychelles where Tony had had a small resort built within the last few months under a fake name. It was a small establishment by Stark standards – only two floors with a lab space and a porch that overlooked the sea. This small island was uninhabited by humans, which meant he was perfectly alone with his bots and inventions and the sea breeze. The cabana had been fully furnished and Tony took the time to stroll around his new home, taking in the sights. He did a few laps around the island, half-expecting to sense a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter or something flying off in the distance. But no, he was totally alone.

After pouring a drink, Tony went into one of the bathrooms and examined himself in the mirror. He certainly looked like he had died. He decided to grab some sunglasses, throw on some swim trunks, and begin his retirement with a good tan while he waited for what was arguably the most important letter to be delivered.

 **XXXXXX**

When the jet touched down outside of T'Challa's palace, Peter jumped out of the flying machine and found himself instantly surrounded by twenty Wakandan soldiers – all female and ready to kill him on the spot. Natasha took off with the jet, leaving him there to fend for himself.

Peter remembered his mission and took a deep breath in to steady his nerves. "I need to speak with King T'Challa please. I mean him and his guests no harm."

"Ah, you are Peter Parker, correct?" At the sound of the king's voice, the soldiers backed down and moved to allow T'Challa to enter the circle. He wore royal robes of deep emerald and his smile was kind while his eyes were suspicious. "I remember you. I can tell you have come unarmed and alone which confuses me."

"Your Majesty," Peter began before giving an awkward bow of respect. Straightening up, he continued, "I have a message for the people staying with you. A…friend of theirs has passed away."

"We know of Stark's death," T'Challa replied matter-of-factly. "Though his and his father's use of Vibranium for the manufacture of weapons caused a great deal of pain and suffering for my people, I honor his sacrifice and regret his loss."

"Your words are most kind, sir, and they are greatly appreciated, but I _must_ speak with Captain America."

T'Challa's eyebrow rose in wonder. "You confuse me again, young spiderling. There resides no Captain America in Wakanda."

"Your Majesty, I know Steve Rogers came here with Bucky Barnes –"

"Steve Rogers, yes. Not Captain America. He has passed on the title to someone more…deserving."

"What? But that makes no sense…I didn't hear anything about –"

"Your friends back home in America can probably explain it to you. Steve has…been through a lot in the past few days and refuses to speak with anyone. He needs time to heal. Him and Stark did not part ways on good terms, you know."

"I…I know that, but sir, that is why I am here. I have something _for_ Steve Rogers from Tony Stark. I believe it is a goodbye message he left before…he left one for his best friend and ex-girlfriend too."

T'Challa looked skeptical as he had every right to be.

"Your Majesty, Tony entrusted this task to me before he died. I need to fulfill my promise to him."

T'Challa cast a look up at the skies as if he could see where Natasha's jet had flown off to, leaving Peter in the custody and privacy of the Wakandans. "…Very well. But I will accompany you to see him."

"Thank you so much!"

The towering trees of Wakanda's jungles reminded Peter of the towering skyscrapers back home. He felt oddly safe as he followed T'Challa through the halls of the palace. The king led him to a guest room that probably had several rooms within in. A soldier opened the door for them and Peter took a hesitant step inside.

He found himself in a large space that featured a combined living room area and kitchen. Doors along the back walls probably led to bathrooms and bedrooms. While the format resembled anything you'd find in New York, the decoration was clearly focused on Wakandan pride.

A gentle tap on his shoulder startled him and Peter turned to see T'Challa gesturing for him to go on. Peter navigated through the rooms until T'Challa stopped him in front of a door.

"Remember, he has not been himself in many days. Do not judge him too harshly."

Peter swallowed a lump in his throat he didn't know he had been holding and knocked on the door. When nobody answered, Peter slowly opened the door and wandered inside.

It was a studio. Several paintings, sketches, and prints were dispersed throughout the room on easels, the floor, the walls, and even the ceiling. Four large, floor-to-ceiling windows let in the natural light of Wakanda, though there had been artist lights propped up in different spots around the room. Peter found himself mesmerized by the beautiful works of art he saw. Images of everything from the Avengers to aspects of Wakanda to the Brooklyn Bridge to animals covered the room. One image made his breath catch. It was a charcoal piece done of Tony in his lab. It must have been done when the Avengers were first formed because Tony still had the arc reactor in his chest and he looked younger…a bit healthier. He wore a tank top and jeans as he worked on a machine with Dummy's help. He must have been intensely working because his arm muscles were clearly bulging and his focus was entirely on his project. The image perfectly captured the joyful glint in his eyes whenever he was close to finishing something spectacular.

"You an art lover?"

The deep voice startled him and Peter jumped back from the work. Before him stood Steve Rogers in a blue and black flannel with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of dark grey sweatpants that he had probably been wearing for days. Both his shirt and his pants were slightly stained with art supplies. His hair was a bit longer than when he had fought Peter in New York and had streaks of charcoal and paint in it. The most striking feature about his appearance though was the dark marks under his eyes that showed days of little to no sleep. His skin was paler than it had ever been and he looked almost sickly.

"Uh, I was just, I mean, your work is beautiful," Peter confessed, gesturing back to the picture of Tony. "It's hard not to admire it."

Steve's eyes glanced to the picture of Tony and his jaw clenched a bit as his gaze darkened. He blinked out of it and looked back at Peter after a moment. "What's the kid from Queens doing in Wakanda?"

Peter had to blink out of his own reverie and reached into his suit to pull out the envelope. Holding it out, he said, "Tony asked me to give you this."

"It's not bad enough he had kids fight his battles, now he's having them deliver his mail too?" Steve turned away and wiped his hands on his pants as he started to leave. "Whatever it is, I don't want it."

"Captain, please –"

"I'm not Captain America." Steve looked back over his shoulder at a random spot that wasn't Peter's face. "Not anymore."

"King T'Challa said you passed it on. It was to Sam Wilson, wasn't it? You made him the new Captain America while you're here protecting James Barnes."

Steve's posture straightened into a defensive stance but Peter didn't mock or push. Instead he turned back to the picture of Tony.

"He died protecting me. Everyone around me – Rhodey, Pepper, Natasha, even Coulson have told me it's not my fault but it is. That's how I feel and nothing can change that. And now, I have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that Tony Stark died because of me. And the truth of the matter is I'm terrified. How am I supposed to stand up to enemies of New York, enemies of America, enemies of the world if I couldn't even defeat one guy who named himself after a bird? I'm not strong enough to be the hero I want to be for those I love…but I'm going to try and get better. I'm going to try and _be_ better. Because that's really all I can do. And I think that if either one of us can take anything away from Tony Stark's legacy, it's that."

Steve turned around to see Peter holding the envelope back out to him again.

"I know you two had some really bad stuff go down between you both, but he wouldn't have wanted to end things on a sour note. He left goodbye letters with Rhodey and Pepper to try and make amends with them before he died, and I think he's done the same for you now. Please read it."

Steve hesitated for a moment as he looked from the envelope to Peter's eyes. "You haven't read it?"

Peter adamantly shook his head. "It wasn't for me."

Steve gingerly took the envelope. Peter started to walk away, but Steve's voice questioning where he was going made him pause.

"Stay. You don't have to leave yet."

Peter swallowed and decided to peruse Steve's art collection while the man read his letter in peace.

With a shaky breath, Steve opened the letter and pulled out the contents. The first thing he saw was a pile of three pictures. His heart started pounding in his chest and he felt his lungs constrict as he looked through the familiar photographs. The first was of him and Howard Stark, the second was of him with the Howling Commandos (Peggy and Bucky as well), and the third was of him with Tony. The third picture had been taken at one of the parties hosted at Stark Tower. It featured a very tipsy and bubbly Tony Stark with his arm around Steve's waist, a drink in his free hand, and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Steve's own face was open and relaxed, a genuine smile on his lips, and his arm around Tony's shoulders. Steve could still remember the smell of Tony's expensive cologne and hear the sound of his laugh. Steve reached for the letter and read through it.

 _Stars and Spangles,_

 _I know writing a letter seems a bit old-fashioned for me rather than just leaving a voicemail or a video message, but I find it's easier to talk when I know you won't be looking at my face when I talk to you. If you're reading this then it means that the kid pulled through and actually delivered it to you. If you're not then it probably means this letter got intercepted by Fury's lackeys in which case, Agent, you and your whole team can fuck off._

 _Before you say anything, yes, I know this was a lot of responsibility to put on the kid's shoulders and I probably could have just as easily given the letter to Widow or someone else to deliver but circumstances probably won't allow for that. Plus it'll give the kid something productive to do in my absence._

 _Anyway, I'll cut to the nitty-gritty._

 _You're an asshole. There, I said it. You're an asshole and you shouldn't have kept the truth from me about my parents. You shouldn't have lied to me and you shouldn't have been so goddamned stubborn about the Accords. So for that you're an asshole._

 _That being said, if you hadn't been so stubborn then I never would have realized that Barnes was being manipulated and used or that the Accords were too sketchy to have been signed. We should have both sat down like adults and talked everything over, but because we're both stubborn assholes that didn't happen. And I probably wouldn't have listened to whatever you had to say anyway._

 _My entire life I wanted to be like you. I was raised listening to your glory stories and I worshiped the ground you walked on. Then I met you and couldn't find one damn fault about you except your naivety. So when the situation with the Accords happened and you suddenly rebelled against everyone and everything to protect one guy who was guilty of murder, I_

 _I took it personally. And it wasn't. What you did – the reasoning behind what you did – none of it was ever meant to be personal._

 _It took me a long time to accept that._

 _The fact of the matter is that the Captain America I grew up hearing stories about, the golden boy hero who always went back for his friends…that's always who you've been. Of course you would turn your back on everything for Barnes. He was in trouble and he needed you and I was too selfish and stupid and hurt to realize that he needed you more._

 _I took it personally._

 _Because that's what I do. If something isn't about me, then I make it about me. You can't live without a war, well I can't live without being the center of one._

 _I realize now that I've lost just about everything and everyone I care about largely because of my own mistakes and shitty nature. And it's not just the people – it seems like I have tainted the purity of every place on this planet from New York all the way to Wakanda with my foolishness. I've told myself so many times that the mistakes I made were done with the best intentions but they still came out to be mistakes. Mistakes that hurt people. I don't blame you for your actions with the Accords – at least what you did actually helped save someone._

 _I have one of the highest I.Q.'s of our time but I was too stupid to hear your side. And for that I am sorry._

 _You have a rough road ahead of you. Defending Barnes is a life decision you have chosen to make and I can respect you for that but you're never going to catch a break. Eventually he's going to go on trial or be killed in battle and you're going to have to live with watching him die._

 _I spent so much time thinking about what I could leave behind for you – what I could give you that would help ease the pain of my stubbornness and try to mend this gap between us. But I kept coming up blank until I realized that the only thing you want in life is to keep Barnes safe._

 _I know how you can do that._

 _The kid knows how to give you access to Friday. She'll help point you in the right direction._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Anthony Howard Stark_

 _P.S. Do you think if we could have met again, we could have started over fresh? I'd like to think so._

 **XXXXXX**

Steve stood there for several minutes re-reading the letter. He hadn't been aware of when the tears started but he couldn't seem to keep them back.

"Mr. Rogers?"

Steve startled at the soft voice. He had forgotten Peter was still there. "It's Steve, kid." His eyes took in Peter's worried face and he couldn't help but reach out and pull the boy in for an embrace. "Thank you for bringing me this."

"You're welcome…Steve."

Steve pulled back slightly and replied, "There's something more I need you to do for me."

 **XXXXXX**

Peter brought Steve onto Natasha's airship and accessed Friday through a laptop.

"Friday, we need you."

"Of course, sir."

Hearing the title made something in Peter feel funny but he brushed it off and said,"Tony left something here for Steve and we need access to it."

"I'm afraid I cannot comply."

"What do you mean?"

"My instructions were to deliver it to Steve Rogers only. You cannot be here, sir."

Peter bit his lip. His curiosity was strong but he knew that Steve and Tony had had a very strange and curious relationship. He owed it to Steve to have this alone.

"You'll be okay?"

Steve couldn't help but smirk at that as he gave a nod. "Kid, I've fought Hydra and Nazis. I think I can handle whatever he left me."

Peter blushed and gave a quick nod, backtracking out of the airship with Natasha in tow to give him privacy.

Steve rolled his eyes with a fond smile as he turned back to the laptop. "Friday, please show me what he left me."

"Very well, but you'll need to pack some clothes and load the pod containing James Buchanan Barnes onto the jet I will fly."

"Stark's not going to explode us somewhere over the Pacific, is he?"

"On the contrary, I think he will be doing quite the opposite."

 **XXXXXX**

Friday was a hundred times more secure and advanced than Jarvis had ever been. Tony had made sure that even the greatest hacker on the planet – besides himself – would never be able to hack into Friday's mainframe to discover where the personal jet was taking Steve and Bucky to. Friday also refused to disclose the location of their destination to Steve during the flight. It wasn't until the jet hovered over one of the many islands belonging to Seychelles's archipelago and dropped down the platform containing Bucky's pod that Steve realized he was standing before a relatively simple cabana.

"Friday, why are we here?"

"Mr. Stark left this place for you and Mr. Barnes as a safe haven. It is completely off the grid and listed as uninhabitable on all official records. Mr. Stark personally engineered defense systems on the island to disturb any scanners of passing boats or aircraft. He liked to think of it as the ideal getaway spot for you both."

"Stark built this place for us?"

"Indeed, sir. He wanted you to have somewhere safe to hide but also get some peace."

Steve gave Bucky's pod a glance. He wouldn't let Bucky out until he knew it was truly safe here. Wheeling the pod into the cabana, Steve examined the place. It was actually quite quaint and homely. Deciding to leave Bucky in the living room area, Steve began checking the place for bugs or explosives or anything that might have been tampered with. He soon made his way out onto the patio and took in the sight of the ocean gently rocking against the beach.

"Friday?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Stark left this for us?"

"Yes, sir. It is your new safe house."

Steve couldn't believe it. It must have cost a fortune for Tony to buy out this island and install everything needed to protect them. The selflessness caused Steve's chest to tighten as he slowly made his way over to the banister and leaned heavily against it. The breeze tickled his hair and he breathed in the smell of the ocean. Looking into the waves, Steve let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry that I couldn't have saved you or had the strength to try harder to make things right between us. I let you down. I really am an asshole." His words were met with silence and he let out a bitter laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Look at me, I'm talking to nothing about you. You see what you've reduced me to?" He quietly listened to the waves gently beating against the sand for a few moments before he whispered, "I wish we could have started again new too."

"Sir?"

"Yes, Friday? And please, call me Steve, not sir."

"What would you have said to him if you could have seen him again?"

"I…" Steve's voice trailed off as he looked out at the horizon. The sun had begun setting and the sight was beautiful. "I'd tell him I wish he was here to see this with me."

The sun had nearly set past the waves of the horizon when Steve gave a final sigh.

"Goodbye, Tony. I wish I hadn't lost my chance with you."

"You haven't."

It wasn't Friday who spoke those words. Steve spun around and raised his gun on instinct, leveling the barrel a few inches away from the other man's forehead. Steve looked down the barrel of his weapon and felt his chest clench at the sight.

 _No, it's a trick. It can't be._

Before him stood a shirtless Tony Stark with sunglasses on top of his head and a tan to his skin. The man had a soft smile on his face as his eyes met Steve's. "Hey you."

Steve had been trained to have a steady hand when holding a weapon. He had learned how to be composed and rational during every situation. He could have punched Hitler in the face and not even bruised a knuckle.

Yet standing there, looking into Tony Stark's eyes, his hands shook.

"I didn't know whether or not you would come. Even when Friday told me you were on your way I didn't believe her. But I guess I was never really good at having a lot of hope. That was always your area of expertise."

Steve shook his head but no sound came out. _It's a trick, it has to be. I'm dreaming. Wanda or someone is messing with my head._

"You know, it's rude to point a gun at the guy who is giving you a way out of this mess."

"Tony?"

Tony couldn't remember the last time he heard that voice come out so small. He wanted to move forward and touch Steve – something to let him know he was real, but he was afraid if he moved at all Steve might accidentally shoot him.

"I'm glad you're here too."

There were a million things Steve wanted to say to him. A hundred emotions flitted through him as he stood there gaping. But what eventually came out was another hoarse, "Tony."

"That's me," Tony replied with a slightly breathless laugh. "You didn't see this coming, did you?"

"Everyone thinks you're dead."

"Well, that _was_ the goal."

"Why….? Why would you do that?" Steve's tone turned angry as his chest heaved. "Why? Do you have any idea the pain you have caused everyone? Everyone's a wreck, nobody knows how to handle your loss, the kid – Christ, the kid blames himself for something that didn't even fucking happen –"

"Whoah, language, Spangles!"

Steve's voice turned icy. "Are you kidding me?" His grip tightened on the gun as he shook his head at Stark. "I should kill you myself for what you put everyone through. For what you put _me_ through. You bitched about losing everyone around you but the people you've lost are still _alive_ – I watched both Peggy _and_ Bucky die and then I had to fucking watch your _funeral_ and here you are, acting like everything is fine and _peachy_ –"

"That's what I do, Cap, I push people away! I push them away before they get hurt but then they _still_ wind up getting hurt. I _had_ to fake my death to keep those around me _safe_ –"

" _Nobody_ was coming after you, Stark –"

"It's all about me, remember?" Tony's shouting was layered with self-deprecation and it stung Steve to hear it. "And if nobody decides I'm important enough to come after then I'll do something damaging to those around me. I have brought so much pain and suffering to those around me. Nobody needs me anymore. Pepper has Happy and they're going to start a family. Rhodey has his recovery to focus on and soldiers to inspire. Even the kid doesn't need me anymore. He needs training and people to keep him on the straight and narrow which he can get from literally anyone else. I wasn't needed anymore, Rogers!"

" _I_ needed you!"

The confession caused Tony's mouth to open but no sound to come out. He stood there, glued to the floor, unable to move as he watched Steve's expression change from anger to sorrow.

"I needed you. I needed your help in getting Bucky out, I needed you to understand and confide in me again, and I needed your support and trust. And I lost that. I ruined our friendship – you were right in your letter. I am an asshole, but I'm an asshole who is sick and tired of having to watch the people I love die." Steve's voice cracked and he lowered his gun to run a hand through his hair tiredly. "When I heard the news and watched the funeral on TV and knew I couldn't _be there_ for you, I…" His broken voice trailed off as he looked up into Tony's eyes and the sight pierced the inventor's soul. "You have no idea."

Tony raised his brows in question but Steve just shook his head as he repeated, "You have no idea."

"I'm sorry," Tony whispered for the first time. He genuinely meant it. "I'm sorry, Steve. I just want to make everything right again."

Steve lunged for him and Tony winced away, expecting a punch or something, but the blonde wrapped his arms around Tony's shirtless body and pulled him tightly against him. Tony was stunned for a minute before he quickly returned the embrace and clenched his hands into the fabric of Steve's shirt. He wasn't sure when he started crying but he couldn't fight the tears as they stained Steve's shirt.

There was so much they had to say to one another, but it would come with time. It _could_ come with time now.

They stayed like that until the stars came out. Tony was the first one to pull away, deciding to wrap his arm around Steve's waist like he had in the photograph as the two gazed out at the night sky.

"What happens now?"

"Friday was right. This is your safe house. You can come and go whenever and I'll stay here with Barnes. I'll try to find a way to reverse that shit in his system that makes him go killer zombie. If you want, I can have his death staged so you'll be free to go back and testify and tell everyone that he's dead. I reckon I'm getting good at this whole faked death thing."

Steve let out a breath of air that soon turned into infectious laughter. Wrapping his arm around Tony's shoulders, he held him close and couldn't believe it.

The two people he loved most in this world were safe and sound.


End file.
